Intro

Dear Lover, 

I initially had reservations about creating this project, concerned about exposing my deepest vulnerabilities. I’m always cautious about divulging too much personal information because niggas and bitches are nosey but at this big age, who gives a fuck!? I have gained valuable insights and experienced significant life lessons, while cultivating a stronger sense of self-trust. Some of this shit I endured would have broken many people and I thank God every day for keeping me because baybee what a ride!  While my intuitive nature has always been present, I now understand that knowledge alone is insufficient; it is the application of that knowledge that truly matters. Like our beloved elder once said: “When you know better, you do better.”

For a considerable period of time (it’s been three or four years but at this point a bitch lost count), I have willingly chosen to embrace celibacy. This period of abstinence has served as an invaluable teacher in my life. How did I get to this point? There were many factors that led me here, which I will share throughout this project, but it all started when I was renting a room in a Spanish lady's house, feeling frustrated, exhausted and utterly angry with my existing lifestyle. I yearned for more—a better life, not just in my romantic life but in every aspect. I found myself questioning how I had reached such a low point in my life. It was a hot ass mess. 

One night, as I was laying in my bed,  I couldn’t hold back anymore. I began to break down, tears streaming down my face in an emotionally raw state (the kind accompanied by ugly crying and snot chile) and I began to engage in a heartfelt conversation with God. I poured my heart out, expressing a desperate need for a change, as I felt like I was barely holding on, grasping at the thinnest of threads. I made a vow to God that if he orchestrated positive changes in my life and in a timely manner (not me giving God an ultimatum, haha), I would give up something I enjoy even more than Kit Kats: Sex.

Now, let me clarify—I am not just giving away my intimacy to anyone and everyone. I value the sacredness of love and physical connection but I am a lover girl. Before embracing celibacy, I had a healthy dating life and was really enjoying myself. I adore the feeling of love and allowing my femininity to radiate effortlessly while in the presence of masculinity because being big dawg all the time can be exhausting. 

However I began questioning the purpose of my relationships with these men. Why was I sharing my mind, body, and spirit with individuals who never made me feel safe? That part. I remember an incident when an ex of mine came home one night and recounted a fight he had been involved in. According to him, another guy punched him, causing his glasses to fly off. Naturally, I asked him what he did in response, and to my surprise, he said he started looking for his glasses. Now, don't get me wrong, I was relieved that he wasn't seriously hurt, but what nigga?!? Is it too much to ask for safeness in all areas of my life? And I could never fully submit to any of my lovers because submission is earned and I didn’t trust any of them to lead. Like most adults, I enjoy pleasure, but what’s the point of being with a nigga who brings temporary satisfaction without any substantial substance? The math was not mathing. 

Now, the million dollar question—when will I find a suitable partner? Trust me, I wonder about that too hell. However, in my promise to God, I made it clear that when the right man enters my life, both God and I will unequivocally know. In the meantime, I refuse to settle. I have been with men who loved the essence of who I am but failed to appreciate the entirety of my being. There are so many different sides to me and unfortunately, only a select few have had the privilege of witnessing all aspects of my being. I have realized that not everyone appreciates authenticity for what it truly is.  

As I observe the choices many women make in their relationships, I often question whether they are truly content and fulfilled. Society has instilled this notion that women are incomplete without a man and some kids by their side, but let me tell you, I have big aspirations beyond just finding a partner. Sure, I look forward to the day when I can proudly proclaim, "My man, my man, my man!",  but being a boss bitch and finding a suitable partner can be challenging (and unfortunately men are embarrassing lol and I’m so deadass). Let's be real, most people feel intimidated by strong, successful Professional Homegirls (cue shameless plug for my brand) because being with a true boss, regardless of gender, requires commitment and sacrifice. I've witnessed many incredible women, including myself, being in relationships with lackluster men, and I’m like, seriously girl? And I know the dick can do some magical things but no matter how much we try, we can’t change who people are because they are who they were before they got here. 

I recall a moment from ten years ago when I sat in my friend's living room, laughing and joking with her and her boyfriend. Their relationship was undeniably toxic, yet there was still an underlying love present.  After he left, I couldn't resist asking her a question that had been lingering in my mind. I wanted to understand how she knew he was "The One," despite his numerous flaws. I mean, she created a home for him, cooked him meals every night, and even went above and beyond by establishing a business for him when he couldn't find employment due to his background. If that wasn't a demonstration of love, I didn't know what was. 

In that moment, as she took a drag from her blunt, she met my gaze with a serious expression and replied, "They're all 'The One' until they're not." We both shared a laugh, but her words struck a chord within me. It made me realize that I, too, had fallen into the trap of believing that every man I encountered was "The One," only to later discover that they weren't. It seemed like a recurring pattern in my life. However, as I reflect on her words, I realize that this illusion of permanence extends beyond romantic relationships. I have also experienced this false sense of forever in my connections with family and friends. And when those bonds inevitably fracture and break, the pain cuts deep.

You're probably wondering what this, "They All The One," is all about. This project will take the form of a collection of short stories that delve into the multifaceted realm of love. Each story will explore different aspects of love, relationships, and personal growth, while highlighting the valuable lessons I've learned along the way. Through these stories, I aim to provide insights into the complexities of romantic connections, the challenges faced in navigating modern relationships, and the importance of self-love and personal fulfillment. As bell hooks so wisely stated, "One of the best guides to how to be self-loving is to give ourselves the love we are often dreaming about receiving from others." I will share moments of vulnerability, humor, and self-reflection, offering a glimpse into my own experiences and the universal truths that lie within them. Because if I’m being honest, I played a part in all of this too. 

While the stories may touch upon the quest for finding "the one," I can now laugh at all the craziness that unfolded. Because, let's face it, some things are just hilariously absurd. But through the pain and humor intertwined in my experiences, I hope that others can learn from my journey and learn that the most important love that one can have is self love. There is a part of me that still holds on to the hope of finding that magical connection, a love story that transcends the ordinary and sweeps me off my feet. It's the kind of love that makes you believe in destiny, in soulmates, and in the power of true connection.

While this project has its own goals and objectives, I must admit that a significant part of it is fueled by the desire to manifest my own fairy tale. The stories I share, the lessons I learn, and the insights I gain along the way are all stepping stones leading me closer to that fulfilling and enchanting love story. However, I also recognize that fairy tales are not solely dependent on external circumstances or finding "the one." They are about personal growth, self-discovery, and embracing the magic within ourselves. So, regardless of whether or not my own fairy tale unfolds exactly as I imagine, I believe that this project will have fulfilled its purpose by inspiring others to embrace their own journeys, find love within themselves, and create their own unique versions of happily ever after.

Make sure you sign up for my love letters! Until then, let’s enjoy the ride bitches!

Love, 

Eboné